Monday, October 3, 2016

Promises

This is something that I've talked about for a long time, and have had a rough path getting towards. In the next year, I want to publish the next novel in the Spellchaser Chronicles. I've been focusing more on my writing in the past several months, and driving myself to get better at both the craft and the practice of writing. And I need to keep pushing on that point until I have results to show for it. The next novel is that, so is keeping this blog active for more than a brief flash of light once every two years.

Because, at some point, I would like to be able to do this as my profession. I'm not sure what that will mean in the long string of time: maybe at some point I'll feel like I have enough out there that doing something like putting up a Patreon won't feel like an absurd move. Maybe I'll start selling enough books that I could get by on what I earn from my book sales alone.

And that's something that runs squarely into my own conflicts with myself. Doubt that I'll ever be good enough, and fear that I'm thinking I'm far better than I am. Like in the back of my head, there's this little voice, "You're just a poser, you don't really value what you say you value. Scratch away the surface, and all of your worst fears about yourself are true." When I can shout down that voice, I know it's just doubt, that I can rise past it, and push myself to actually be better.

That's why I need to keep working, keep that promise to myself. Because every step is putting that doubt behind me, hoping that one day I'll be able to bury it.